Teresa Eileen

Im tired. I want a break. ahhh break break breakkk

Today was my last day nannying. So I stuffed them with chocolate chip pancakes and junk food.

Things I Think I Know:

This summer I have spent alot of time thinking. I have kept my thoughts to myself, letting them shape and reshape, until they finally work into lasting form. And here is what I think I know:

I think life is alot more complex than I ever thought it was. I feel stupid to have thought I was done growing as a person. I have realized that all endings are just beginnings of something else. I’m learning I need a shield. There is a difference between loving and caring for people and living as part of them. I have realized there is a way to be too selfless. I have learned I am stronger than I thought I was. I have come to think more and more that things aren’t like we were taught as kids, that wrong is a box too many things are put into.

And love, can be more complicated than a beatles song. In the past, love seemed like a gift I could not control. It was something I was always trying desperately to have, and desperately to keep. Now, I have realized that love is choice. When you met someone you find incredibly interesting choosing love is the easy part. The rest of love is harder. Love can grow-choosing to grow in love is the hard part. But, love is tough, and it can take a beating. Just because love is broken doesn’t mean it is gone. You can to choose to let it grow back together, grow bigger, grow stronger. Love always has that power. The way to make it stay is to never stop letting it grow. When you don’t want it to grow, when you get too comfortable, or start doubting, it will start to die. It will die real slow, until you choose to believe it is gone forever. No one can decide when your love dies besides you.

God Damn